No News is....

....just me being lazy. :)

So a quick update and keeping with the laziness theme I will be doing bullet points.

• We celebrated Frodo's 16th birthday earlier this month. Can't believe my baby boy is 16!
  
• A few days later we found out my mom has bladder cancer. Surgery went well and they seem to have gotten it all. She is doing fine right now.
• I  took a trip to Florida with TK. He had a conference so I tagged along for the free hotel (and basically free airfare as I used my voucher from my cancelled trip this summer) and hung out by myself at Disney World. Best vacation ever and very much needed!
• I started back to school!  I am taking World Literature and Government. I have an associates degree in nursing and am a licensed RN, but would like my BSN or some other bachelors degree eventually so I am working on my pre-reqs for that.
• In between all of that I am working hard on my soap business trying to promote it and get more customers. I'm afraid I might have to start kidnapping people and forcing them to stop by my store. :) (Shameless plug)
• And drum roll....I think I am about to have a period...all on my own. My breasts have been sore for several days. This is monumental. I haven't had a real, non drug-induced, non loss-induced period since 2011 I believe. I keep touching my boobs to make sure it's real. Not my boobs...those are definitely real...my pain.
  

That's it for now! Hope you are all well...I've not been so good at reading blogs lately either..yup...laziness. :)

Love...

Steaks and Games

We rang in the new year at home. We three. TK and I cooked dinner together. Steak. YUM!

Growing up I hated steak. Ugh! Seriously hated. Loved hamburgers and other meats, but steak was just nasty. What I actually found, once I moved to Sweden, is that I didn't hate steak itself...I hated "well done" steak. A nice medium rare steak with a bit (okay a lot!) of Bearnaise sauce and "pommes" as the Swedes like it, became my favorite dish! It was on my short list of things I missed the most about Sweden. Steak I could get here, but steak just wasn't the same without and beloved Bearnaise.

The Quest began. The dried mix was ok, but didn't have that wonderful buttery tang to it. So a few years ago, TK, who cooks nothing more than a microwaveable dinner or pasta took it upon himself to learn how to make Bearnaise sauce from scratch. OH HEAVEN!!  We tried steaks a couple of times but just couldn't get that same yummy restaurant taste, but on New Year's Eve I went on a research trip around the web. That night I achieved the perfect restaurant steak.

I wish I had  taken a photo without the sauce to show the awesome sear I got on this delicious steak.  But let me assure you it was orgasmically good as was the sauce! Ah! What a great way to say goodbye to 2012.

At midnight we toasted with champagne and went to bed a bit later.

The first is always Game Day in my family. Not bowl games though, but rather board games. We gather at my moms and play, laugh and eat the day away.  Literally. We were there from 1pm until almost midnight!

My mom laughing so hard she had to hide her face.  

*********************

 

My tips for the perfect pan fried filet:

• The most important tip is room temperature steaks.  If they are cold, the cook slower and end up tougher. Never pull a steak straight from the fridge and slap in the pan or on the grill. 
• I seasoned mine with sea salt and cracked black pepper
• Start with a searing hot sillet. Cast Iron is preferred, but I used a regular skillet and it was fine.
• Add a couple of tablespoons of oil. 
• Put the steak in and leave it alone for 2.5 to 3 minutes. Don't touch it! 
• Turn steak and leave it alone for another couple of minutes.
• During the last minute, throw in a couple of tablespoons of unsalted butter and baste while the steak continues to cook.
• If you like your steak medium rare as I do, you are done with cooking. Take steak out and wrap it to let it rest for at least 10 minutes. Very Important step! Resting redistributes juices making a more tender steak.
• If you like it more done, you can finish it in a hot oven for a couple of minutes. 

This is not an exact science so you may have to play around with the times and temps, but it will give you and excellent seared on your steak. 

2013

Me on this New Year's Eve 2012

 

Happy New Year!
Happy New Path!
Happy New Blog!

Anyone joining me from my old blog will know that 2012 was not my best year. There are no guarantees 2013 will be any better, but having hopped off the crazy infertility rollercoaster/runaway train, I probably won't have the same kind of bad year. So that's a bonus.

I am not sure where this year will take me, but I am going to be working on healing from my losses both physically and emotionally and figuring out where my next path leads.

Introducing...

I hesitated to talk to much about my son on the other blog as I know it can be a sensitive subject to those still trying to have their first. Since this is not an infertility blog, I get to talk about him as much as I want. You don't know how hard it has been not to talk about him as he is my shining star.

 This was taken on the day of his 8th grade graduation.

I don't feel comfortable using his real name here, so I shall call him by his nickname, Frodo. When I found out I was pregnant with Frodo, it was one of the biggest shocks of my life but also the happiest. One day I might post his birth story, but the short version is he was a month premature and his lungs collapsed at birth. He was air-lifted to a children's hospital and it was very touch and go for awhile. He truly is my miracle baby.

All mothers think their kids are the best, but I really couldn't have asked for a better kid. He is such a perfect blend of TK and I, with maybe a bit more of my quirkiness. He has my weird sense of humor. One of my favorite memories happened when he was about 4 or 5. It was the day I truly realized he was my mini-me. Both of us, upon waking one morning too tired to speak, communicated with silly dances and robot sounds and knew exactly what the other one was trying to say. :)
 

This was taken in Sweden in 2002 with one of his best friends.

Here they are in 2011, 9 years later!

At the age of nearly 16 Frodo is still my silly boy. Sometimes he makes me laugh so hard I hurt. Other times I hurt with the intense love I feel for this child.

August 2012

My favorite part of the day is when Frodo gets home from school. He comes to find me wherever I am in the house to tell me about his day. Sometimes the conversation drifts to other subjects like some of our favorite mutual tv shows (Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead) but we usually spend about 30 minutes talking. After that he is off to his room for video games or the internet, but I always get my few minutes. These days, as I see college and adulthood looming ever closer, those minutes are very precious to me.

Welcome

I've started this blog in order to document a new chapter in my life. For over 11 years my focus has been everything infertility related. After my third loss, I am throwing in the towel. No more drugs, no more needles, no more tests. This doesn't mean I will never speak about my infertility and losses ever again. It's just a place to start the first steps of whatever comes next in my life. I hope that you will join me.

Love and Hugs!