2013

Me on this New Year's Eve 2012

 

Happy New Year!
Happy New Path!
Happy New Blog!

Anyone joining me from my old blog will know that 2012 was not my best year. There are no guarantees 2013 will be any better, but having hopped off the crazy infertility rollercoaster/runaway train, I probably won't have the same kind of bad year. So that's a bonus.

I am not sure where this year will take me, but I am going to be working on healing from my losses both physically and emotionally and figuring out where my next path leads.

Introducing...

I hesitated to talk to much about my son on the other blog as I know it can be a sensitive subject to those still trying to have their first. Since this is not an infertility blog, I get to talk about him as much as I want. You don't know how hard it has been not to talk about him as he is my shining star.

 This was taken on the day of his 8th grade graduation.

I don't feel comfortable using his real name here, so I shall call him by his nickname, Frodo. When I found out I was pregnant with Frodo, it was one of the biggest shocks of my life but also the happiest. One day I might post his birth story, but the short version is he was a month premature and his lungs collapsed at birth. He was air-lifted to a children's hospital and it was very touch and go for awhile. He truly is my miracle baby.

All mothers think their kids are the best, but I really couldn't have asked for a better kid. He is such a perfect blend of TK and I, with maybe a bit more of my quirkiness. He has my weird sense of humor. One of my favorite memories happened when he was about 4 or 5. It was the day I truly realized he was my mini-me. Both of us, upon waking one morning too tired to speak, communicated with silly dances and robot sounds and knew exactly what the other one was trying to say. :)
 

This was taken in Sweden in 2002 with one of his best friends.

Here they are in 2011, 9 years later!

At the age of nearly 16 Frodo is still my silly boy. Sometimes he makes me laugh so hard I hurt. Other times I hurt with the intense love I feel for this child.

August 2012

My favorite part of the day is when Frodo gets home from school. He comes to find me wherever I am in the house to tell me about his day. Sometimes the conversation drifts to other subjects like some of our favorite mutual tv shows (Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead) but we usually spend about 30 minutes talking. After that he is off to his room for video games or the internet, but I always get my few minutes. These days, as I see college and adulthood looming ever closer, those minutes are very precious to me.

Welcome

I've started this blog in order to document a new chapter in my life. For over 11 years my focus has been everything infertility related. After my third loss, I am throwing in the towel. No more drugs, no more needles, no more tests. This doesn't mean I will never speak about my infertility and losses ever again. It's just a place to start the first steps of whatever comes next in my life. I hope that you will join me.

Love and Hugs!